Archive | South Africa

Oppression and Freedom

Some weeks ago I talked to a women from South Africa, who visited Anafora. There was one short line in our conversation that touched me deeply and has stayed with me since then — the end of apartheid also liberated her, a white and privileged person.

Since than I’ve been thinking and feeling into this space of liberation of the oppressor. It’s also a burden to be privileged, to be a part of a system that is not fair. Both the oppressor and the oppressed are trapped in the same system. None is free.

I can see how we, as humanity, is maintaining an unfair system against all other species and future generations. We are all born into this system and we can’t break free as individuals. The more aware we get the more we feel the burden; the guilt and the shame.

Big Heart of Humanity can be seen as a liberation project. The core is not about giving up our privileges, it’s about becoming free. So I will go to South Africa and dive deeper into this.

Some days ago Anafora got ten ducks as a gift and the small cage was placed outside the kitchen in the sunshine. I was not there, but came just after their breakout, when they were all happily swimming in the pool. We shared their happiness and their joy in the water.

Now all ducks are in the freezer, waiting for the pot.

And we really don’t want to think about how all the chickens we are served, has been living …


At Home in Cape Town

Arrived in Cape Town on Sunday. On Monday my couchsurfing host tok me for a drive around Table Mountain. Cape Town is a very beautiful place on the Planet and interesting in so many ways, I’m really happy I’m here!

I will stay here for two to three months and do computer work, but most important, really dive into Big Heart of Humanity. Connect the dots, go deeper and formulate what I’ve understood so far. So keep with me, I think the coming months will be exciting …

View over Three Anchor Bay. I rent a small flat in the left corner of the picture, where all the trees are, just a block from the beach. The Island you can see on the right is Robben Island, where Nelson Mandela spent 18 of his 27 prison years.

This city is really a mixture of everything; from townships to castles, from ocean to 1700 meter high mountains, from fish harbors to wine yards, like this one in the middle of town.

In winter time it can be a bit rainy, but I’ve got some nice days so far. And I don’t mind some rain after three months in Egypt …

The birds here are different from Europe. Though a lot of them are from families I recognize as seagulls …

… but what is this one?

The roads are steep, there are no biking lines but a lot of cars. So I will walk and use public transportation.

Wind …

Down town, view from Signal Hill. The city centre is small, but the town is big.

It’s winter time now and “only” around 20 degrees in day time. But the most strange thing for me is that the sun is in north. I have to turn the whole planet 180 degrees several times a day … guess I will get used to it.

Views, walls, races … it will take some time to figure it all out … South Africa is like this Planet in miniature.

Beach art.

Big Heart of Life

The last weeks I’ve discovered some new Big Hearts.

Big Heart of Humanity is still my main focus and the Heart that I think is the most important to explore and evolve — in this time, on this Planet. But there are Big Hearts inside Hearts all the way up and all the way down …

As many of you already know, my journey begun an evening in October 2010, when I was sitting meditating on my couch at home in Höör in the South of Sweden. Suddenly I was moved into the Field of Humanity. It was a very strong energetical feeling and I knew what was happening in an intuitive way. The next day my relation to humans and to animals had changed dramatically.

I was a human among humans in a new and wonderful way and when I met animals I did that as a human, not as a part of nature. It took me a while to figure out what happened.

Nature and the environmental movement has been my home since I was a kid. I know everything about how we humans are exploiting and destroying nature. How we have taken us the right to do what ever we want with all animals and all landscapes on this planet. And I didn’t want to be a part of that, so I disassociated myself from Humanity. Humans were Them, the ones who destroys our planet, not me.

And I can see how most of us in the environmental movement, view reality from the Field of Nature and we try to save our Planet from Humans. And that just doesn’t work …

The last months I’ve started to sometimes be inside Big Heart of Humanity in a new and deeper way. Viewing the world from the perspective of Big Heart of Humanity. Not as a part, but as the whole. Of course we all are always inside Big Heart of Humanity, but we are not aware of it and Big Heart of Humanity is not conscious trough us, yet …

It’s not easy to try to understand and communicate those things … but important to try and I hope you get some feeling about it. Maybe you have similar experiences? If you want to share them, please do, I would love to hear about it!

A week ago when I was aware as Big Heart of Humanity, I suddenly was inside Big Heart of Life. A Big Heart that transcends and includes Big Heart of Humanity. Wow, I’ve never been so at home on this planet, never so deeply one with every living creature, belonging, being so small and so big. We, as Humanity, are really inside Life on Earth. And we are loved and held.

So in short, my journey has so far looked like something like this:

Humans are Them
I’m a Human!
Animals are Them
We are all Life!

Put this way it seems quite trivial and obvious. And yes, it is. But only from the outside perspective, the perspective of the mind, of knowledge. But that is not enough for changing our way of being Humanity on Earth. Our Hearts are needed and our awareness and conscious engagement in all the Big Hearts. A shift in perspective, from “me” to “all of us” to “all life”.

PS I’ve also discovered a Big Heart inside Big Heart of Humanity, but that will be an other post, an other day.

PPS All pictures from beaches in Cape Town.

My Coach James Baye is Dead

James Baye died June 4:th. He fell off a cliff in Joshua Tree National Park, California. He was my coach for three wonderful, transformative years. My last week has been a journey into Life and Death, Pain and Gratefulness.

He changed my whole way of being and made me challenge my shadows and fears and explore and evolve my edges and depths. He was the person who knew more about me than any one else. He saw right through me, no where to hide. In the beginning that was so awfully scary, in the end so liberating and nurturing.

I owe so much to him, so tremendously much. Without his encouragement — no Big Heart of Humanity, no journey …

I knew before that he was an extraordinary man, but when I read I understand how very extraordinary he was. I’m so immensely thankful that I got those years with him. We made two eight months intense integral coaching programs over skype and the last year we connected now and then for a check-up-and-next-step-session, the last time in May. And he was always there when I needed him. It’s very, very empty now …

Today I switched on the TV and saw a part of a documentary. The camera zoomed in on a black board on the wall in the home of the person talking. On the board was a few words and two circles. Yes, that was what he did! With his précis tailored practices and questions he made me move out of my comfort zone, into contact with that magic place …

I’m sitting on the beach in Cape Town with the big waves rolling in and the sun in my face writing this. Looking back on a journey with so much beauty and magic. Knowing that I now have to find that magic space on my own.

I’m missing your support, your crazy ideas, your challenges and your open, warm heart!

James, you were and will always be a bright light in my life and in Big Heart of Humanity,
Thank You for Nothing and Everything!

The last of April James wrote this to me, in response to one of my many emails:

“Life will always get hurt
no matter what we do
no matter how much we love.”

All photos from Holma, Höör, Sweden, May 31 2010, in the evening on my 51st birthday.

Who is Embracing?

I invite you to read this slowly, as a meditation:


I am my body
I embrace my body
Who is embracing?

I am my feelings
I embrace my feelings
Who is embracing?

I am my thoughts
I embrace my thoughts
Who is embracing?

I am awareness
I embrace awareness
Who is embracing?

I am everything
I embrace everything
Who is embracing?

I am

Being here, now


The lines above came together this Friday as a syntheses of many years of meditative practice, sparked by trying to get James’ life and death together. His profound embodiment and his deep, transcendent qualities.

When we walk along the spiritual path it’s easy to fall in love with the new levels and abandon the “lower” — to transcend and forget to include.

Planet Earth, Humanity and all the other species, needs all of us here and now. Now.
A spirituality that doesn’t leave Anything behind.
No dissociation, no neti, neti, only a huge embrace that puts us into full contact with all aspect of our selfs and Everything.
Even if it hurts.

Living in the Relative and the Absolute.
Seeing both aspects. Being  both aspects. As One.

“Unless trends change, the remaining 250 Chacma baboons of the Cape South Peninsula face extinction within 10 years.

Baboons lived in Cape Town’s surrounding hills and plains long before their human neighbours took up residence. Conflict escalated as urban development encroached on baboon habitat bringing them into ever closer contact with man.”

“African Penguins — They are listed on the IUCN Red List as “vulnerable” with population trend decreasing. This penguin is listed because it is suffering a rapid decline in it’s population. The 21st century started with a tenth of the population that the 20th century started with. This is believed to be due to massive commerical fisheries causing shifts in types, and amounts of prey available to the penguins in their range.

Also, two wide spread oil spills in 1994, and 2000 affected over 40 percent of the population of the African Penguins, killing at least 30,000 penguins, that were accounted for. Then of course, the disturbance that man brings to their nesting sites, along with the harvesting of their eggs.”

 All photos from Cape Point a week ago.

Embracing My Heart

The concept “Who is Embracing?” is changing my worldview and my self image. It’s like I’m integrating all parts of me in a new way, very grounding and opening at the same time. And I know it’s also transforming some of you, dear readers.

My previous post was about a journey in consciousness, about the relative and absolute. But there is also an other journey of embrace that came to me simultaneously, just as important, but different. The embrace of heart, in the subtile realm. A more fluid place with ten thousand hearts embracing each other in ten thousand ways.

What I call hearts has many names and can be understood in many ways. Subtile fields and collective holons are other names. I focus on the heart aspect, because that makes sense to what I’m experiencing.

Here is my favorite embrace of my heart right now, where does your embrace of your heart takes you?


I am my Heart
I embrace my Heart
Who is embracing?

I am Big Heart of Humanity
I embrace Big Heart of Humanity
Who is embracing?

I am Big Heart of Life
I embrace Big Heart of Life
Who is embracing?

I am Big Heart of Planet Earth
I embrace Big Heart of Planet Earth
Who is embracing?

I am Big Heart of The Universe
I embrace Big Heart of The Universe
Who is embracing?


Exploding into new Universes


I took the pictures tonight at the beach in Cape Town. Without tripod and with the light from the moon and the streetlights. I went down to the cliffs at midnight and lit a candle, you can see it as a little white dot to the right in the middle picture.

At the same time James Baye was interred in Victoria, Canada. As my coach, he taught me how to open my heart, without him no “Who is Embracing?”.

Time to Embrace my Roots

This Saturday I woke up and just knew that it’s time for me to see the Swedish forests again. To reconnect with my roots in the nature I know and love. I can skype with friends, but trees and lakes don’t have skype …

This part of the Big Heart of Humanity journey is complete. I found “Who is Embracing?” and now the next phase starts.

So, I’ve booked a flight next Monday to Copenhagen. It’s a very good feeling. But I will miss Cape Town …

I’ve been thinking about going to Namibia, a country everyone says is so beautiful, but beauty is one thing, to be connected is an other. My relation to the plants on these pictures from South Africa, is very shallow, we don’t really have a relation.

Of course I could get to know this landscape and connect to it. But it would take time.

I feel how much I’m longing for being with  the forests, the lakes, the fields and the species I know. To reconnect with my roots. Sit with the animals and plants and ask the question “Who is Embracing?”.

I don’t know what will happen, but I know what I will do — among the very few things I still own, is my tent and my bike …

I’m not going to settle down, I have no longing for an other home than where I happen to be at the moment. I will continue to go where the Big Heart of Humanity project wants me to go. The journey continues even if I’m in Sweden.

I’m looking so much forward to embrace all of you, my friends and family back in Scandinavia!

The first picture is from Three Sisters in the middle of South Africa, the others are from Kirstenbosch National Botanical Garden in Cape Town. 

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