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Author Archive | Stina Deurell

My Coach James Baye is Dead

By on June 9, 2012 in Important post, South Africa

James Baye died June 4:th. He fell off a cliff in Joshua Tree National Park, California. He was my coach for three wonderful, transformative years. My last week has been a journey into Life and Death, Pain and Gratefulness.

He changed my whole way of being and made me challenge my shadows and fears and explore and evolve my edges and depths. He was the person who knew more about me than any one else. He saw right through me, no where to hide. In the beginning that was so awfully scary, in the end so liberating and nurturing.

I owe so much to him, so tremendously much. Without his encouragement — no Big Heart of Humanity, no journey …

I knew before that he was an extraordinary man, but when I read www.rememberingjamesbaye.com I understand how very extraordinary he was. I’m so immensely thankful that I got those years with him. We made two eight months intense integral coaching programs over skype and the last year we connected now and then for a check-up-and-next-step-session, the last time in May. And he was always there when I needed him. It’s very, very empty now …

Today I switched on the TV and saw a part of a documentary. The camera zoomed in on a black board on the wall in the home of the person talking. On the board was a few words and two circles. Yes, that was what he did! With his précis tailored practices and questions he made me move out of my comfort zone, into contact with that magic place …

I’m sitting on the beach in Cape Town with the big waves rolling in and the sun in my face writing this. Looking back on a journey with so much beauty and magic. Knowing that I now have to find that magic space on my own.

I’m missing your support, your crazy ideas, your challenges and your open, warm heart!

James, you were and will always be a bright light in my life and in Big Heart of Humanity,
Thank You for Nothing and Everything!

The last of April James wrote this to me, in response to one of my many emails:

“Life will always get hurt
no matter what we do
no matter how much we love.”

All photos from Holma, Höör, Sweden, May 31 2010, in the evening on my 51st birthday.

Big Heart of Life

By on June 1, 2012 in South Africa

The last weeks I’ve discovered some new Big Hearts.

Big Heart of Humanity is still my main focus and the Heart that I think is the most important to explore and evolve — in this time, on this Planet. But there are Big Hearts inside Hearts all the way up and all the way down …

As many of you already know, my journey begun an evening in October 2010, when I was sitting meditating on my couch at home in Höör in the South of Sweden. Suddenly I was moved into the Field of Humanity. It was a very strong energetical feeling and I knew what was happening in an intuitive way. The next day my relation to humans and to animals had changed dramatically.

I was a human among humans in a new and wonderful way and when I met animals I did that as a human, not as a part of nature. It took me a while to figure out what happened.

Nature and the environmental movement has been my home since I was a kid. I know everything about how we humans are exploiting and destroying nature. How we have taken us the right to do what ever we want with all animals and all landscapes on this planet. And I didn’t want to be a part of that, so I disassociated myself from Humanity. Humans were Them, the ones who destroys our planet, not me.

And I can see how most of us in the environmental movement, view reality from the Field of Nature and we try to save our Planet from Humans. And that just doesn’t work …

The last months I’ve started to sometimes be inside Big Heart of Humanity in a new and deeper way. Viewing the world from the perspective of Big Heart of Humanity. Not as a part, but as the whole. Of course we all are always inside Big Heart of Humanity, but we are not aware of it and Big Heart of Humanity is not conscious trough us, yet …

It’s not easy to try to understand and communicate those things … but important to try and I hope you get some feeling about it. Maybe you have similar experiences? If you want to share them, please do, I would love to hear about it!

A week ago when I was aware as Big Heart of Humanity, I suddenly was inside Big Heart of Life. A Big Heart that transcends and includes Big Heart of Humanity. Wow, I’ve never been so at home on this planet, never so deeply one with every living creature, belonging, being so small and so big. We, as Humanity, are really inside Life on Earth. And we are loved and held.

So in short, my journey has so far looked like something like this:

Humans are Them
I’m a Human!
Animals are Them
We are all Life!

Put this way it seems quite trivial and obvious. And yes, it is. But only from the outside perspective, the perspective of the mind, of knowledge. But that is not enough for changing our way of being Humanity on Earth. Our Hearts are needed and our awareness and conscious engagement in all the Big Hearts. A shift in perspective, from “me” to “all of us” to “all life”.

PS I’ve also discovered a Big Heart inside Big Heart of Humanity, but that will be an other post, an other day.

PPS All pictures from beaches in Cape Town.

Thank you for the bed!

By on May 31, 2012 in Okategoriserade

Now I’ve been on the road for exactly a year. It has been an amazing year and I’ve met so many wonderful people, thank you all for everything! I’ve learned heaps from you and I’ve had so many great experiences together with you.

I would have loved to make a video with everything I’ve done and seen and with photos of all of you whom I’ve met. But that is just not possible. So I decided to focus on you who has opened your doors to your homes and offered me a bed for a night, for a week or for months, thank you!

By the way, I have a nice couch in my room here in Cape Town, if you need a bed here!

 

At Home in Cape Town

By on May 24, 2012 in South Africa

Arrived in Cape Town on Sunday. On Monday my couchsurfing host tok me for a drive around Table Mountain. Cape Town is a very beautiful place on the Planet and interesting in so many ways, I’m really happy I’m here!

I will stay here for two to three months and do computer work, but most important, really dive into Big Heart of Humanity. Connect the dots, go deeper and formulate what I’ve understood so far. So keep with me, I think the coming months will be exciting …

View over Three Anchor Bay. I rent a small flat in the left corner of the picture, where all the trees are, just a block from the beach. The Island you can see on the right is Robben Island, where Nelson Mandela spent 18 of his 27 prison years.

This city is really a mixture of everything; from townships to castles, from ocean to 1700 meter high mountains, from fish harbors to wine yards, like this one in the middle of town.

In winter time it can be a bit rainy, but I’ve got some nice days so far. And I don’t mind some rain after three months in Egypt …

The birds here are different from Europe. Though a lot of them are from families I recognize as seagulls …

… but what is this one?

The roads are steep, there are no biking lines but a lot of cars. So I will walk and use public transportation.

Wind …

Down town, view from Signal Hill. The city centre is small, but the town is big.

It’s winter time now and “only” around 20 degrees in day time. But the most strange thing for me is that the sun is in north. I have to turn the whole planet 180 degrees several times a day … guess I will get used to it.

Views, walls, races … it will take some time to figure it all out … South Africa is like this Planet in miniature.

Beach art.

A New Circle

By on May 3, 2012 in Egypt

Yesterday evening i went to the Ruins and took down the hanging sculpture of Big Heart of Humanity, the one with all the photos.

Big Heart of Humanity can’t be built from the outside.
It’s not something we can look at, not an object
It’s something growing within us and between us

Sat down in the middle of the empty, dark room, bright moonlight outside. Could see the evening star trough the big opening and hear the workers harvesting the wheat just next to the Ruin. Magic.

Stood up and gathered seven chairs and the long thick rope. The rope that hadn’t found it’s place in the original set up of the exhibition, but I always knew it had a place. I put the chairs in a circle with the rope around twice, once inside, once outside. So we can sit and hold the rope and also be held by it. Here we can be Big Heart of Humanity together in a collective exploration. Welcome!

 

The hanging sculpture was there for a month, it was true when I put it up. It has served well and been admired by many during the month it has been there. Maybe there will come a time, when I can use the photos again in a true way. Until then I deeply thank you all who contributed, you did that from your heart and your action was inside Big Heart of Humanity, but I turned it into an object and that is not true anymore …

Heart Inside Big Heart of Humanity

By on April 25, 2012 in Egypt

It’s almost eleven months since I started my journey. Going trough Europe and now I’ve been in Egypt for two months. It has been a fantastic journey. My exploration of Big Heart of Humanity has been wide and rich. I’ve met incredible people and seen so much and learned so much.

Now it’s time to sit down and look into the core of Big Heart of Humanity, to focus. To ask the question: What is the unique perspective of Big Heart of Humanity? What am I doing here?

I’ve been pondering this question for some days now, written and rewritten this post several times. My mind has really tried to figure it all out … but right now my heart came up with this:

It’s the perspective of being a heart inside Big Heart of Humanity

Very simple and powerful.

I’ll stay with that for a while …

 

The picture is from the harvest of the beans here at Anafora early Monday morning.

Oppression and Freedom

By on April 18, 2012 in Egypt, South Africa

Some weeks ago I talked to a women from South Africa, who visited Anafora. There was one short line in our conversation that touched me deeply and has stayed with me since then — the end of apartheid also liberated her, a white and privileged person.

Since than I’ve been thinking and feeling into this space of liberation of the oppressor. It’s also a burden to be privileged, to be a part of a system that is not fair. Both the oppressor and the oppressed are trapped in the same system. None is free.

I can see how we, as humanity, is maintaining an unfair system against all other species and future generations. We are all born into this system and we can’t break free as individuals. The more aware we get the more we feel the burden; the guilt and the shame.

Big Heart of Humanity can be seen as a liberation project. The core is not about giving up our privileges, it’s about becoming free. So I will go to South Africa and dive deeper into this.

Some days ago Anafora got ten ducks as a gift and the small cage was placed outside the kitchen in the sunshine. I was not there, but came just after their breakout, when they were all happily swimming in the pool. We shared their happiness and their joy in the water.

Now all ducks are in the freezer, waiting for the pot.

And we really don’t want to think about how all the chickens we are served, has been living …

 

Vernissage Day at Anafora

By on April 6, 2012 in Egypt

The last photos for the exhibition arrived during night, so Annelie, Essam and I stood up before six o’clock today and put them up on the walls. After that it has been intense with webcasts and showing more than hundred visitors around.

People walk around in the exhibition and they see, feel, talk and get new perspective and ideas. It’s just wonderful and a bit overwhelming. All the people from Anafora came and saw the exhibition and in the end, when we gathered around the Universe with planet Earth in the middle, my heart just broke. Humanity is fantastic and I know we can create a society, that is good for all Humans and Everything else living on this planet.

Below are pictures that Annelie Nilsson took today.

 

 

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